It's different when everyone at the doctor's office tells you your hair will fall off eventually. I see it in the chemo room sometimes, some patients don't wear wigs and just put a cap on that you see their bare scalp. Its easier knowing it.
But when it actually happens, no matter how much I read on it, see it or hear about it, it seems tougher to muster up the feelings that comes with the reality. My hair started to fall off tonight.
It started with an itchy scalp at the back of my head. Scratched it of course and there goes a bunch of hair strands between my fingers. I did it again and it still continues.
I have to cry a bit to express the sadness of reality. Jim is tougher than me so I just leaned over to him and put his arms around me and more tears trickled down.
This is the start of it. I know they say it will grow back and I can wear a wig. For me, It's a physical manifestation of the cancer for me that I cannot deny when I look in the mirror.
Sometimes when my energy is up I tend to forget I have the big C. And go on with the day until I feel fatigued. But looking at a balding head is an instant sign that I have it.
As my friend Abi just texted me, it will grow back and it will just be part of getting the treatments to get better.
I guess so. For now, I'll be adjusting with the fact for a little while. Maybe cry for just a while... like my great friend Mike Cortez sent me in a video... " Coz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child"