My Cancerversary, Inspired to Design and Recent Tests Results

On March 17, I will be celebrating my one year cancerversary's life-saving double mastectomy with modified radical mastectomy removing both my breasts, 2 large cancerous masses and 21 lymph nodes of which 6 were cancerous. 

I celebrate this moment because it saved my life. Although it was a long and hard fought recovery, continued on to chemotherapy and radiation, I live now, one year after, a full life and able to enjoy every single day with my 3-year old son and loving husband, my family and friends.

I searched and found strength in many survivors before me. Those who have also fought and still surviving. Knowing that they have been there and its possible to get through it no matter how hard it may seem. And now I vow to become one of those who can share my stories and give inspiration to those who are about to fight the battle.

I have created this series of designs to help raise funds to donate to Young Survival Coalition, a group of young women who have had breast cancer at a young age and survived it. They have inspired and pushed me to go on because I know they were also young as I was. Every purchase will contribute $3 to YSC. It will help young women with breast cancer learn more on how to cope during diagnosis, treatment and getting back on their feet.

click to buy the Black "I Fought I Survived" Iphone 4 Case
 $19.99

click this button to buy the Brown "I Fought I Survived" Iphone 4/4s case
$19.99

If you're a survivor, carry it as a badge of honor.  

If you know someone who is a survivor, give it as a gift of praise and encouragement.

If you know someone who was just diagnosed, give it as a gift of inspiration, 
that she too, can survive it. 

One doesn't have to be alone in the battle.  I wasn't and that's how I survived.  

P.S.  As I celebrate my one year anniversary, I was given another gift of survival.  My PET Scan, Brain MRI, CT Scans and blood works show no signs of metastasis or spreading of cancer in my brain, bones, liver or lungs.  Although 1 out 3 tumor markers were elevated, my oncologist is running more tests such as thyroid blood tests to determine what is causing this tumor marker (CEA or CarcinoEmbryonic Antigen) to be elevated.  I am also taking a break from my cancer medication Tamoxifen for two weeks to see if it is what's causing my tumor marker elevation and bone pains.

After two weeks, I need to get back on my medication because it is the only shield I have right now against cancer from coming back.

My scan also showed that my right lung was scarred by radiation which has been causing prolonged periods of cough and shortness of breath.  I have yet to see a pulmonologist to help me recover from this.

I will continue to write the progress as tests come in.  Thank you for thinking of me and for the prayers.

I Graduated from Chemo, On To Radiation

My loving nurses (L-R) Maria, Nancy, Sudra & Flora)

Two lumps, 6 six affected lymph nodes, 21 removed lymph nodes, two mastectomies, three surgeries, 4 successful embryo preservation, 6 chemotherapies later, I have graduated from Chemo and I am on my way to finish 35 radiation therapies.

So many things have happened since I first found out the small lump that progressed to two lumps and then proliferated my lymph nodes from 1 to 6 in a matter of 5 months.

Even though my cancer stage is 3, I am still lucky to be alive.  Had it not been excised from my body that soon, I am not sure if I would still be around writing a blog right now.

The cancer was aggressive.  From one lump in October, it became 2 in December.  From one lymph node affected and detected in February, it became 6 in March.  I'm pretty sure the cancer would not have stalled any longer attacking the rest of my body if it wasn't removed right away.  I am glad I decided to have the surgery first and did not think twice. Sure, the recovery was rough and hard for me and my family but it was necessary.

I almost thought twice about having chemotherapy because of the horror stories I have read.  True enough, the experience was not one to forget.  It was a roller-coaster of emotional and physical pains. The anticipation of getting sick every other week was tough to deal with but I made it through.  I have attempted to quit so many times, cried to husband begging him to let me quit.  But his persistence and support held the ropes for me.  The loving and kind words from all my friends and families gave me strength to fight every three weeks of infusion.   It felt like being poisoned slowly, ironically, it is something that should heal me.

The loving and caring hands of all my chemo nurses Nancy, Flora, Maria and Sudra was a blessing.  They made sure that I am comfortable during chemo, with warm blankets, snacks, medicines infused to relieve side-effects and hydration.  They took me at an hour's notice when I feel too sick and needed to be rushed to the hospital for hydration.  When we get there, they are all ready waiting for me.  They are the souls that nurtured patients at our hardest points of treatments.

On my last day of chemo, I made 24 pink cake pops (i wish I took a picture of) and gave it to them as a token of gratitude for their care.

Even though chemo is over, I will still have side-effects for as long as six months after, because the chemicals are still circulating in my body.  My nurses have told me I am always welcome to come back and get hydration or infusion of medicines to alleviate the side-effects.  And of course to drop by just to say hi and that if I am feeling better. These people are the embodiment of the true sense of the word "nurse".

Now that chemo is over, I am on to another challenge.  35 rounds of DAILY radiation.  I am confident that I can do this as long as I have the love and support of people who care about me. On to the next phase of this fight....

Help us in this fight against breast cancer. If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

Chemo #4: I almost wanted to quit

Chemo #4 was tough. From the morning, I had to take the bus because Jim, my better half, had to take our son James to Children's Hospital. James was born with multicystic dysplastic left kidney (his left kidney is a composed of dozens of cysts looking like a kidney but it does not function), we have to take him regularly to his nephrologist and urologist at Childrens. I had to leave at 7 am to make it to my 10:00 am appointment. I was leery of taking the bus because my immune system is not as strong as it used to be and being in a enclosed public transportation, I can catch germs easily. A seemingly-homeless man was sitting next to me the whole time and even with my face mask on, I could smell something unsanitary. But I made it. I got to the hospital safe.

Usually, three to four days after Chemo, I would start to be able to taste at least strong tasting food. The first few days are really tough and I expect it. Soil-like texture of food, bitter-tasting drinks, weakness and tiredness. But this time around it was taking longer than usual.

On the sixth day, I was still weak, and cannot eat or drink anything. I called my doctor to ask if I can do anything. He told me to come in the following week (it was a saturday when I called) so they can check me out.

On the seventh day, I cannot handle the feeling of being weak anymore. I almost slept all day, I couldn't help take care of James and just couldn't walk without feeling like I will fall anytime. My hip bones down to my feet were all painful and weak. So I emailed my oncology nurse practitioner: I would like to stop at chemo #4. And I dont think I can do radiation either.

I have a scheduled initial appointment with my radiation oncologist that Thursday, July 7 and I was planning to cancel it too.

That Monday, the chemo infusion center called me early in the morning to ask if I can come in for hydration. I agreed and went to the hospital. They checked my vitals and weight and took blood tests. I lost 8 pounds in 1 week. I was also dehydrated and my heart rate was fast (135 per minute). They gave me two hours of hydration via chemo port.

After two days, I started to feel better. I started to taste the food and drinks. Although my usual drink, Gatorade, was still bitter, I found an alternative. I loved the taste of Naked Mango smoothie. It was the only drink I can tolerate for now. I even had a date night with Jim and ate a salad. Wow! I got so excited because it means this is a start of feeling better again before I go for the next infusion.

So far, this is the worst side-effects I have experienced. But even though it took longer that it used to be, I started to have hope that there will be an end to every suffering. I am so grateful for Jim and my mom. My mom took care of James the whole day while taking care of my dad too, and tried to make me eat by cooking what supposed to be really are yummy Filipino dishes. And Jim, even though he was very tired after work, he would take James out and entertain him or keep him busy to give me more time to rest.

Its amazing that a lot of people care for me so much that they go out of their way to help me recover.

Its even more amazing that there are a lot of people all over the world who care and love me. We started a fundraising to help us with the medical bills which has been summing up to $228,000 and still adding up. (chemotherapy and radiation are not yet billed). It will also be funding the possible litigation against the insurance company if we cannot resolve it by arbitration or other means.

Right now, we are awaiting for an approval or denial of my radiation treatment. We will decide what to do or where to go for my radiation treatment depending on what the insurance says.

We want to thank all of our friends and families who have helped us in the fundraising.  It was very humbling but I know all your love comes with it.  Some have donated very generously, some donated even though they dont have that much and it is a form of sacrifice, some helped by posting it in their Facebook walls, blogs and websites. Some sent a handwritten card with their donation (which I got so excited about because I seldom receive a card in the postal mail anymore). Some sent more prayers and well wishes for recovery. One friend suggested to make t-shirts which I hope will be successful. These are people whom I have known for decades, have just met these past years, and some don't even know me.

One very special friend, Mike Cortez, is publishing THREE coffee table books to raise funds. He made a preview of the book in a video below.  You can email him at senseimiyaki@gmail.com.



All these love all over the world, all the support I have been receiving made me think twice... why would I quit my treatment? No. I will finish the battle. It may be tough, but I can get through it again.

Chemo #2 and #3- Learning honesty, humility, patience and hope

Honesty, humility, patience and hope. These are some of the things I have learned in the past 6 weeks I have received two chemo treatments.

I have been waiting for the day to write a blog entry when I'm feeling more hopeful, up and energetic and can express my joys despite the current treatment I'm going through. It has taken a while.

In fact, as much as I want to deny it or conceal it from everyone, I've been depressed.  I've been reading lately how chemotherapy can bring about depression. But luckily, I am going through counseling and taking several anti-depressants.

I've been holding off writing a blog because I thought I should be this positive and strong person when I face people reading the blog.  The longer I push myself to be that person, the more I became depressed, because I feel like I'm failing people's expectations to be that strong and fighting person with cancer.

The truth is, I am having a lot to take on.  From physical pain, to anxieties of what the future holds, financial hardship from treatment costs, exhaustion from just doing normal daily activities, loneliness from not being able to socialize as before, frustration from not being able to enjoy the things I used to do and most of all, the fear of death.

Sometimes a simple question I get such as "How are you doing? Hope everything's well" is tough to face.  Should I say,  "I'm fine.  Just in a lot of pain lately and in a deep sadness which I dont know why" ?

But in counseling, my therapist told me its okay to be sad and be weak and it's okay for people to know this.  Its all part of what I am going through and will go through.  Putting on a face thats not me just puts on another burden on top of what I have.

Chemo #2 hit me hard the second day with severe nausea and fatigue. I have taken all the prescribed medicines but nothing seems to work. I felt like there's a metallic layer all over my mouth that everything I taste is like metal. I'm hungry but I cannot eat. I feel like my appetite is also decreasing. I want to get up from bed but my body refuses to. I decided that I will speak with my doctor that this is it, I will stop at chemo #2.

But I wrote about it on facebook. Everyone cheered me up. Everyone gave me hope. Everyone wanted me to fight. A stare at James playing made me want to hit myself for thinking of giving up. Jim and I  are the only people he has to take care of him. What am I thinking?

So I went on day-after-day, waiting for the side-effects to subside. The doctor finally prescribed an anti-nausea patch, Sancuso transdermal patch,  that will give me 7-days of continuous medication to relieve nausea. It gave me hope at first but when we found out that the cost is $309 per patch, that will be a total of $927 for three weeks until my next chemo. Jim just got back to work and we are a little struggling with the finances with all the expenses of my treatments.

We were able to buy one patch, and luckily, the doctor gave us a one-time discount coupon for $200 so we only had to pay $109. I cherished every day that the patch gave me the relief.

I got through three weeks from chemo #2 and was feeling great and energetic the day before chemo #3. I almost dreaded another monday of going back for another infusion.

I had chemo #3 on June 6, 2011. This time, I followed my doctor's instruction to put lidocaine numbing cream on my port and take Percocet pain medication an hour before they will stick the needles in. It worked! I didn't feel the needle at all. But this time, after the 6-hour infusion, my fatigue and stomach pain was worse than it has ever been. I don't want to get up from bed, i feel like my stomach and intestines are getting pulled out of my gut. I'm refusing to eat or drink anything (aside from 7-11's slurpee). This time, I'm decided, I don't want to go through the rest of it anymore.

And then came all the supportive messages again from friends, cheering me on. Telling me how I am inspiring them. A part of me want to tell them, "no, I'm weaker than what you think I am, I am about to quit it". But my heart just cant. How can let all these people believing in me down?

The battle in my mind of wanting to give up and staying positive makes me sometimes want to throw myself on the wall. Most of the time I feel so confused. I know its part of a cancer patient's life to be depressed and anxious and confused. This is real and I can feel it everyday. All I want is for everything to stop and go back to normal. I want my old normal life again.

All I want is:
-to taste the sour vinegar
-chew food and savor its flavor
-be able to get up and do everyday household chores
-be able to walk James to the park
-play with James at home all day if he likes to
-go out to do errands, go grocery-shopping, etc
-visit friends and spend some time just chatting over coffee
-drink and taste anything my mouth desires.
-work
-a simple trip to see the oceanside or a quiet park
-bring James to museums and parks
-wake up without feeling sick

These are the things I never appreciated before. The littlest things that seem to matter now. Humility. The simplest things matter most when you aren't given the chance to do it. I used to wish for grandier things. A house, better car, a great travel vacation, a great job, bring James to disneyland, a grand wedding, visits to the Philippines, and a whole lot of other bigger things. Now I just want to feel better today.

These two treatments have also taught me patience. No matter what my mind does, I cannot force time and space to move forward to another day with the hope that it will be better tomorrow. I have to wait. I have to go through the whole 24 hours and wait if it will feel better tomorrow. And if it doesn't, I will wait another day. This experience has made me look forward to night times, when everything is quiet and I have to go to sleep. Not feel anything and not be in pain. When my mind momentarily forgets the slow but painful effects of the treatments. Patience. I go from one day to another day. And eventually those days turn into a week and then another week. And then the whole three weeks have passed. I survived another infusion.

Hope. There is really hope in the midst of challenges. Just when I thought I will just have to endure the rest of the two weeks without the expensive patch, just because we cannot afford it for three weeks, I found a website that will help in paying for the patches if I qualified. ProstraCare, Patient Assistance Program.  I tried, applied and God is GOOD! I was approved for 4 patches a month at no cost for six months. God never ceases to let go of me. He knows when I need his help most. They just sent the first shipment and everything will be taken cared of from hereon.  The patient representative who helped me was Filipina, her name is Glory, based in Illinois and she was so sympathetic.  I felt her love and concern even just over the phone.  (I had to send her James and my picture with a thank you note for helping us through the process).

A patient's challenge doesn't end in trying to feel better everyday and getting through the rough effects of treatments.  It gets complicated by the insurance company trying to refuse to pay for the treatments from diagnosis to surgery to chemo.  The bills keep coming summing up to almost $180,000.  It is the last thing one needs at this time, to be more stressed.Studies have indicated that stress can affect tumor growth and spread, but the precise biological mechanisms underlying these effects are not well understood. Scientists have suggested that the effects of stress on the immune system may in turn affect the growth of some tumors. (Psychological Stress and Cancer)

Challenges may continue in this journey but I'll try my best to continue holding on....and continue learning.

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

I Had A Dream

I had a dream last night. I was being chased by boys, some cute and some aren't! I didn't like them so what I did was take off my wig and they all went running away. But when I thought I got rid of them, there's this one guy, he was handsome and a gentleman. He didn't chase me but just approached me. But I still took off my wig (i don't know why) maybe I thought he will just go away anyway if he finds out I'm bald. But he stayed and embraced me. It was a nice dream.

When I woke up I clearly remembered my dream which is unusual because i always tend to forget my dreams. I thought about it and realized it was triggered by my conversation with Jim last night. I normally wear nothing on my head at home except when I'm too cold, I would put on my hoodie. Jim asked me if I want to shave my head already while staring at my very thin-haired head.

I said, I'm not yet sure. I don't know if I'm ready to be really totally bald. I used to say I'm going shave it off when it starts thinning out or even when it just starts to fall off. But now I'm scared to shave, i think. I asked him, "do you think i should shave it?" He paused a bit, and he said, "well....."

And then he said "I'm just thinking you might get depressed everytime you see your thinning hair". I said it's ok because I don't look at the mirror that much anymore anyway.

And then I asked him to touch my head. He hesitated a little and gave me a slight scared look. I took his hand and put it on my head. I said, "isn't it so soft?" and smiled. He said "uhmm yeah," still with the "scared and unsure" look and quickly pulled his hand away.

Maybe at the back of my mind, I took that conversation to my sleep and dreamt of something that people are afraid of my balding head. And that it makes them want to go away. And somehow someone whom i love has the same feeling. I felt a little bad about it and made me feel self-conscious and undesired.

So I shared my dream with Jim's mom in the morning. I told her the dream and the conversation I had with Jim last night. She had a different thought about it. She said maybe Jim feels bad about it for me too. Like its tough for him seeing me bald coz it makes it more real that I'm sick. Which at first, it was how i felt bad about my hair falling out, it makes it more real that I have cancer.

She also said maybe Jim feels bad about me being sick. Like the time I felt I wish I was sick instead of baby James when he was at the hospital because of his kidney condition. I always prayed that God give me any disease instead of baby James.

I felt a little better after my conversation with mother-in-law. It must be tough for Jim to see my balding head all the time and he has no choice but to see it. At least I have a choice not to see it, I just have to avoid looking at the mirror or touching my head.

It must be tough for my family. I wish I can shield them from it.

So I wrote our couple's counselor this morning. She has been helping us go through challenges that couples encounter especially during the first year of having a child. And now she still sees us through as we go through another challenging phase in our lives as a family.

I want to share what she has to say, which made me feel better and cry a little:
"Aren't dreams interesting? They definitely help you sort through and pay attention to feelings. The baldness is an adjustment for you and everyone. As you know, even someone just changing their hairstyle and color can be shocking and take awhile to get used to. I know you are in the process of making peace with your hair loss and seeing it as temporary. In my experience, people will get used to it and react off of you. I have seen people fighting cancer wear their baldness with pride and a smile, knowing it is a sign that they are doing their best to live a long life. Yes, it might scare people (including Jim) at first and be a reminder of how fragile life might be. People can be very uncomfortable talking about any kind of illness or knowing what to say- they can follow your lead when you talk openly or remain quiet, depending on how you feel. Most people know someone who has dealt with cancer and just like when you are pregnant, often feel like sharing their own stories. Of course Jim feels terrible that you are ill- he loves you and it can be a helpless feeling for a partner. In time, I think you will find that your friends and family will relax with it and focus on you and not your scalp. Honestly, you don't need to worry about shielding people from this. It is simply a reality of life. Be your beautiful, loving self Krissy and that is what will be noticed :)"

Its true, change is difficult at first. But in time, it will get easier. Its also true how most women are afraid to even change hairstyles, or even change hairstylist. Our hair may be our crowning glory but beneath and beyond it is more important.

I'm going to embrace it from now on.

________Side Note________________
Thursday was a happy day to be bald! I went to American Cancer Society's Helens Room which gave me the biggest smile that day when they asked me to come in for my wig appointment. Not only was it free, but whatever hats, caps and scarves i touched and liked, they gave it to me! More generous people should multiply on earth. They truly made me happy being bald today.

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

The Day It Starts To Fall Off

It's different when everyone at the doctor's office tells you your hair will fall off eventually. I see it in the chemo room sometimes, some patients don't wear wigs and just put a cap on that you see their bare scalp. Its easier knowing it.

But when it actually happens, no matter how much I read on it, see it or hear about it, it seems tougher to muster up the feelings that comes with the reality. My hair started to fall off tonight.

It started with an itchy scalp at the back of my head. Scratched it of course and there goes a bunch of hair strands between my fingers. I did it again and it still continues.

I have to cry a bit to express the sadness of reality. Jim is tougher than me so I just leaned over to him and put his arms around me and more tears trickled down.

This is the start of it. I know they say it will grow back and I can wear a wig. For me, It's a physical manifestation of the cancer for me that I cannot deny when I look in the mirror.

Sometimes when my energy is up I tend to forget I have the big C. And go on with the day until I feel fatigued. But looking at a balding head is an instant sign that I have it.

As my friend Abi just texted me, it will grow back and it will just be part of getting the treatments to get better.

I guess so. For now, I'll be adjusting with the fact for a little while. Maybe cry for just a while... like my great friend Mike Cortez sent me in a video... " Coz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child"

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

Chemo Round 1 - Taxotere-Cytoxan + Neulasta

That week in preview:
April 23, Saturday- Surgery to harvest my remaining healthy eggs
April 25, Monday- First chemotherapy appointment
April 26, Tuesday - Surgery to implant port for chemotherapy

Its been a week since I got my first chemotherapy infusion.  At the back of my mind, maybe I didn't want to have my first chemo yet because I "thought" the appointment that Monday, April 25, was just to tour me around the infusion room, give me all the "tips" and educate me about my first chemo.  I was still sore from the ovary surgery two days before.  When I got in the UCLA central infusion center,  the nurse told me to pick my recliner and get comfortable.  I asked "Uhhmm, am I getting chemo now?"  She said, "Uhmm , yes.."

I was supposed to take two steroid pills a day before and a day after chemo.  I wasn't able to take it the day before because I "thought" it was just a sneak-peak tour.  But nurse Nancy said its ok this time, she will just give it to me intravenously and double the dosage. 

So I picked a recliner near the window and *tried* to get comfortable.  I was obviously scared because its something I've never experienced.  I watched her bring over an armful of bags of infusion intravenous bags.  She sat down next me and started chatting away what all these IV bags are for, while she tied my arm, rubbed my veins and made it as "angry" and visible as possible.  As usual, Jim was next to me showing James' cute videos from his iPhone to distract me from the needles entering my veins.

She took 4 vials of blood for testing and started then started four pre-chemo meds through my veins: Aloxi an anti-nausea; Decadrone a potent steroid for nausea and vomiting; Benadryl for any allergic reactions; Pepcid for heartburn.

While she waited an hour and a half for the pre-chemo medications to finish dripping, she explained the kind of chemotherapy I will be getting, side-effects, how to care and where the free snacks and drinks are located in the infusion room.  (the last part was all I paid attention to)

I am getting two kinds of chemotherapy drugs, Taxotere (Docetaxel) and Cytoxan (Cyclophosphamide). One infusion every three weeks and 6 cycles which approximately will last six months.  A day after each cycle (infusion), I need to come back to the hospital to get a shot of Neulasta, which will make my body produce white blood cells (WBC) to fight infection.  Chemotherapy is known to decrease your body's ability to fight infection by decreasing these WBCs. The Neulasta shot is known to cause bone pains as side effect.

Each infusion lasts 5 and a half hours. The day of first chemo, I was feeling ok.  The toughest part was when the needles taken out.

A day after, I had surgery to implant the port for chemotherapy so the nurses wouldn't have to prick my veins each time.  It was a short and outpatient surgery, but I didnt realize it will be painful after.  My chest was sore and my left side of the neck where they inserted the tube to the jugular vein was also painful when I move my head. but I just kept taking my pain medications for a week now.

Chemo side effects are experienced by more than 30% of patients with an
Onset:  for 4 to 7 days
Nadir: for 5 to 9 days (Nadir is the low point between chemo treatments when I am most susceptible to infections and lowest blood counts.)
Recovery : in 21 days (on the 22nd day, you will get the next infusion, Yay to recovery!) ;)


I did not experience a lot of the known side effects for the first two days, except I have felt the following on days 3 to 7 after Chemo and Neulasta shot:
- head sweating (I mean, extreme.  Its really dripping on my neck while my body is chilly and cold)
- Nausea
- Loss of appetite - everything tasted like medicine and tarty or bitter)
- Weakness and sudden extreme tiredness
- Constipation
-Bone pain (this one I hate most!  It feels like when you hit your shin on a corner.  My bones from head to toe feel these sudden shooting pain for days)

From days 5 to 8:
- less of the bone pain but more flu-like symptoms
- painful stomach cramps and diarrhea
-painful gums, dry tongue and mouth
- sensitive scalp
-painful fingernails
-extreme changes in body temperature
-continued fatigue and weakness
- bladder problem (uncontrollable)
-right hand tingling
-unexplained nightmares

Other side effects that they told me to watch out for in the next week or two are:
- Hair loss
- Discoloration of skin and nails or possibly loss of nails
- Loss of fertility
- Low blood counts

Fortunately, with developments in cancer management, these side-effects can be managed or at least tolerated by most patients. Some of the solutions are pills, wig, IVF treatment.  I dont know what to do yet with loss of nails. 

I'm taking about 12 pills three times a day to combat nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, allergies, swelling, depression, anxiety, pain and bone pain.  (I stare at these pills in my hand for 30 mins hoping they will taste like m&m's). When I can, I also try to walk for 5 minutes in front of our house about 4 times a day to keep my body moving and not experience severe weakness and joint stiffness.

I have a prescription for cranial prosthesis, a.k.a. Wig, which fortunately with the help of American Cancer Society and Helen's Room foundation, I can get a wig for free on May 14 when I get a fitting appointment.  The medications, co-payments, and other cancer-related expenses have been too costly for a family who only have one breadwinner and the wig may be an expense I can just forego . 

Speaking of help, the L I V E S T R O N G foundation of Lance Armstrong has been a huge help with our fertility treatment.  They shouldered almost $12,000 of the $15,000 cost to preserve my egg and fertilize it until I am done with my cancer treatment.  My fertility oncologist was able to harvest 16 eggs.  We were on pins and needles whenever we get a call update from them.  At  first, 8 eggs were matured enough to fertilize, then 6 were starting to fertilize.  On Thursday, only one was successfully fertilize but on Friday, 3 more eggs came back and successfully fertilized for freezing.  So now we have a total of possible 4 eggs fertilized for in vitro fertilization in the future.  Although I am still praying that we will be blessed with another child, I am still aware of the fact that not all IVF treatments are successful.  I am hoping and praying for a little Krissy in the future. We still need to pay the cost of freezing every year, but we will cross the bridge one year at a time.

As I was watching Regis and Kelly the other day, Eva La Rue was talking about an organization called Beckstrand Cancer Foundation which helps families that are devastated by the cost of treatments, which we are already feeling.  Because our insurance company is starting to give us a hard time with claims and paying for my treatments which are running up to almost $200,000 now, I hope I can get through them to help us in navigating through the difficult ins-and-outs of cancer treatment and insurance.  The last thing a cancer patient needs to handle is fighting the insurance to get treatments to be able to live.

I still believe no burden will be given to us if we cannot carry it.  And as I look back, when Jcube was in the hospital for treatment for his multicystic dysplastic kidney, I kept praying to God to PLEASE just GIVE ME whatever health problem there is as long as my child lives healthy from hereon.  Jcube was seen by his urologist today at Children's Hospital Los Angeles and the Doctor said his ultrasound is okay.  He is generally healthy right now and will be back for his regular kidney check up in 4 months.  I'm glad my prayers for a healthy child were answered, no matter what I am feeling physically at the moment.

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

Chemotherapy and IVF Treatment

I have been healing well with my surgery and Im looking forward to a few more weeks when I can do normal things again! I have started taking little morning walks without a wheelchair in the neighborhood to get some sun and to get my strength back.  I just hope my appetite will come back soon. 

CHEMOTHERAPY
We finally met with the Medical Oncologist Dr. John Glaspy on April 7, 2011.  He gave us the overview of the chemotherapy regimen I will have.  A combination of Taxotere (treatment for symptoms of locally advanced or metastatic breast cancer) and Cytoxa (which treats several types of cancer in combination with other drugs to treat breast cancer.  It will be given by infusion that will last about 4 hours through intravenous. It will be given every 3 weeks and I will be given the maximum dose of 6 cycles, which will last for six months.

To alleviate the pain of being given an intravenous line each chemotherapy session,  they will install a Port-a-Cath. It is a device that will inserted in your chest during a one hour surgery. A port is a small disc made of plastic or metal about the size of a quarter that sits just under the skin. A soft thin tube called a catheter connects the port to a large vein. Your chemotherapy medicines are given through a special needle that fits right into the port. You also can have blood drawn through the port. When all your cycles of chemotherapy are done, the port is removed during another short outpatient procedure.

Some people feel the pain when it is first installed but later on they are thankful because they do not need to get poked each time an IV line is done.  Also all the blood test will be done through the port.  They take blood test each chemotherapy session.

A day after the chemotherapy, I have to come back to the hospital to get a Neulasta injection.  It is used to reduce the chance of infection in people who have certain types of cancer and are receiving chemotherapy medications that may decrease the number of neutrophils (a type of blood cell needed to fight infection).

Unlike many years ago, the side effects of chemotherapy is vomiting, nausea, anorexia and hair loss.  They has developed many medicines that will help with nausea and vomiting.  I will be taking -Decadron twice a day before and after chemo (which may cause restlessness and insomia) . 
-Compazine every 6-8 hours but which may sleepiness
-Ativan every 4-6 hours which may cause sleepiness
-Zofran every 12 hours for vomiting

The doctor was outright in telling me that I will lose my hair about 1-2 weeks after the first chemo.

Other side effects are constipation, diarrhea, mucositis (mouth becoming tender), Neuropathy (numbness, tingling of hands and feet), Nausea, Fatigue which increases with each chemo session, bone pain within 48 hours after infusion which can last 2-3 days, weight gain.

FERTILITY AND MENOPAUSAL ISSUES
One side effect of chemo is women can become infertile after the treament.  At the same time, pre-menoupausal women such as myself will go into early menopause.  Which is why we are in under the care of their cancer fertility clinic under the care of Dr. Mousa Shamonki for IVF or In-Vitro Fertilization.

Dr. Shamonki did an ultrasound of my ovaries and found 15 viable eggs that can be retrieved.  I haven't been ovulating since I got pregnant in June 2008 and havent mentruated since then.

They have started me on egg stimulation regimen consisting of daily injections of Menupur which is  follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which helps stimulate egg production; and luteinizing hormone (LH), which helps the eggs mature and release (ovulate). I also inject Gonal RFF Pen used to help ovaries make more eggs. It is used in ovulation induction.  I do this injections every night at home for 10 days.  Jim has also started taking medicines to prepare him for the sperm collection.

On the 5th day, the doctor will do an ultrasound to see the progress of the egg production.  On the 10th day or when it is determined via ultrasound that the eggs are viable for harvesting, I will undergo an IVF surgical procedure to remove the eggs from my ovaries. 

The process continues, eggs and sperms will be fertilized and become embryos, it will be frozen until the time they will be ready to be implanted in me after five years of my cancer treatment. 

I'm also under the care of a oncology gynecologist who monitors my ovaries for possible cancer every three months because I have 42% chance being BRCA 2 positive gene mutation (breast and ovarian cancer gene mutation).  After I am done with IVF, my doctor is recommending removing my ovaries to lessen the chances of ovarian cancer.  It will still be possible to get pregnant with IVF after removal because my uterus will still be normal. 

The costs of IVF treatment for cancer patients is very expensive but we were blessed to have been approved by Sharing Hope, a national organization providing reproductive information, support and hope to cancer patients and survivors whose medical treatments present the risk of infertility.  It is because of Lance Armstrong that this organization under Livestrong was made possible. He suffered cancer himself and has vowed to help cancer patients.  They are shouldering a big part of the costs of the treatments and giving the medications for free costing about $5,000.  just he medicines itself is so expensive!

My IVF treatment will be done next week hopefully by April 21 and my chemotherapy is starting on April 25. 

After chemo, I will meet with the radiation oncologist to discuss the radiation therapy treatment.  I will be getting radiation treatment everyday for about two months.

Yesterday, my sister finally went back home to Singapore and it was one of the saddest moments of my life.  She took care of me selflessly.  She came here in a week's notice. Spent more than a thousand dollars to fly out here. Gave me showers, changed my gauze dressings, dressed me up everyday, stayed with me in the hospital, took care of James all day for a month, prepared all my meals, ran errands, slept with me, woke up in the middle of the night to give me my medicines on time, tucked me in bed because i needed special bed wedges for my wounds, most of all comforted me in the most difficult time of my life dealing with cancer.  I don't know what I could have done without her.  I wish she never left.  But I know she has a life of her own to deal with too.  I couldn't stop crying for an hour when we dropped her off at the airport. I love her to the moon and back. I just wish she was here with me forever.

I'll miss you so much, May.

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment:

The Biopsy Results

After what seemed like the longest four days of my life, I got the pathology result at the breast clinic.

From Friday to Tuesday, I armed myself with all the information I could gather about breast cancer. Even though at the back of my mind, i still cannot embrace it, I did not want to be caught off guard again and not be able to ask questions IF EVER the result came back positive of cancer.

I remember when I went in for the ultrasound, I was quite confident it would just be plugged milk ducts so I didn't prepare myself with questions to ask. This time around, I had questions written down like a news reporter.

As I was called by the nurse to take my vital signs, I wasn't aware that I was nervous until she told me that my heart rate was very fast, 119 per minute.

Jim was at home to take care of baby James so we agreed I will call him on speakerphone so he can hear everything the doctor has to say and ask questions too. I was very composed, I say. I psyched myself up that I cannot cry or breakdown because I need all the details I can get.

Melissa, the breast cancer nurse practitioner came in and started examining me again. She sat down and gave me the news: I have breast cancer, approximate stage 2B invasive ductal carcinoma with focal necrosis.

Okay. I was still calm. I started asking questions while jotting down the details.

1. How big is it: one was about 4cm in the 11 o'clock position. The other one was 1.5cm near the areola.

2. Is there lymph node involvement: yes. Based on the ultrasound and clinical exam, there is palpable gross lymph node involved. They will know more when they do lymph node dissection operation.

When lymph nodes are involved, it means cancer cells have spread outside of the breast and have possibly spread to other parts of the body.

3. What stage is it: stage 2B with the possibility to go higher depending on the results of the next series of tests.

Based on breastcancer.org, There are 5 stages of breast cancer:
Stage 0: used to describe non-invasive breast cancers such as ductal carcinoma in situ (in place) and Lobular Carcinoma in situ. In stage 0, there is no evidence of cancer cells or non-cancerous abnormal cells breaking out of the part of the breast in which they started, or of getting through to or invading neighboring normal cells.

Stage 1: describes invasive breast cancer with tumor measuring up to 2cm AND no lymph nodes involved.

Stage 2:
2A: no tumor in breast but cancer cells are in axillary lymph nodes OR tumor up to 2cm and has spread to lymph nodes OR tumor 2 to 5 cm and has not spread to lymph nodes.

2B: tumor is larger than 2cm up to 5 cm and has spread to lymph nodes OR
tumor is larger than 5cm but has not spread to lymph nodes

Stage 3:
3A: no tumor is found in the breast but cancer is found in axillary lymph nodes clumped together or sticking to other structures, or spread to lymph nodes near breastbone OR

Tumor is 5cm or smaller, spread to lymph nodes clumped together or sticking to other structures OR

tumor is larger than 5cm , spread to lymph nodes clumped together or sticking to other structures.

3B: tumor may be any size , spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast AND
may have spread to axillary lymph nodes clumped together or sticking to other structures. Cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near breastbone.

Inflammatory breast cancer is stage 3B

3C : No sign of cancer in breast or if there is a tumor of any size, it may have spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast AND
cancer has spread above or below the collarbone AND
cancer may have spread to axillary lymph nodes or to lymph nodes near the breastbone.

Stage 4:
Invasive breast cancer that has spread to other organs usually lungs, liver, bone or brain.

4. What do we do next: I need to get blood tests to check for tumor markers which will detect cancer activity in the body. Circulating tumor cells are cells that break off from the cancer and move into the blood stream.

Chest X-ray to check cancer in lungs.

Bone scan to check cancer invasion in bones.

MUGA (Multi gated acquisition scan) scan to test the condition of the heart, to withstand chemotherapy. One of the drugs used in chemotherapy, Adriamycin , can be toxic to the heart and can lead to heart failure.

Other tests to follow are estrogen-receptor, progesterone-receptor and HER2 tests to define the breast cancer further. These tests are crucial in treatment because being positive to these receptor means the cancer can be treated by not "feeding" it with these hormones.

I am also a candidate for the expensive genetic testing to find out if I have the BRCA 1 or 2 gene mutation (Breast Cancer Susceptibility gene) known as tumor suppressors.
Deleterious or harmful mutation of these genes greatly increases a woman's lifetime risk of developing breast and/or ovarian cancer.
This discovery, in case, will affect my treatment and will enable other family members to get tested too.

5. What do you do next for treatment:
I would need to be in neoadjuvant chemotherapy as soon as possible. We are looking at within 2-3 weeks.

Mastectomy. The whole breast needs to be taken out because the size of the lumps and the locations do not make me qualified for a lumpectomy anymore. Removal of both masses leaves the breast basically gone.

Radiation therapy. After mastectomy, I will be treated with radiation on the site of surgery. This will destroy cancer cells in te breast that may stick around after surgery. It decreases the risk of recurrence.

Hormone therapy. If the cancer cells is shown to be positive to estrogen, progesterone or HER2, I will be given hormones for at least 5 years.

She said they are pulling the big guns on my treatments because I'm young. I thought being young with breast cancer has an advantage. But it was otherwise. According to youngsurvival.org, compared to older women, young women generally face more aggressive cancers and lower survival rates. More and more evidence shows that breast cancer before age 40 differs biologically from the cancer faced by older women. A lot of startling facts can be found in this site that helped me learn more.

Despite the prevailing belief that young women cannot have breast cancer, we can and I did. I am even breastfeeding at the time of diagnosis. Even though breastfeeding has been known to decrease breast cancer occurrence.

Ok. These were a lot of information to digest. I was still composed and hoping Jim was still listening over the phone. We can hear James playing in the background so it was a good breather for me.

Finally she told me I can get dressed and wait for her to schedule these tests asap.

As I was getting dressed, it started dawning on me, I'm in for a big fight. A very big and long one.

It was comforting to know that I have a life long partner to go through this challenge with. I also have a son to push me to fight for my life. They are my source of strength.

But then I still cried. I cried hard than I can ever imagine. I cried to Jim over the phone for a good ten minutes or so. I was crying because I was sad he has to go through this too. I know it will be tough for the caregiver as much as the patient. Emotionally, physically psychologically. I was sad for baby James, although he still doesn't understand it, he may see me sad or weak at times. I'm his primary playmate and I love that. I'm sad that I might not be anymore at times.

But I had to console myself, bring my self together to drive home. The journey will start.

If you can , please help in raising funds for Krissy's Breast Cancer treatment: